I slam my fist down onto the table. Startled, she turns and looks at me.
Concerned she asks “Whats wrong?”
I shake my head a few times and try to swallow the lump in my throat.
“Désolé…just…no talking…s’il te plait.”
"Okay." She says as she walks over and sits on the edge of the table. She says nothing as she waits for me to do something…to say something. I want to scoot my chair closer and wrap my arms around her, to feel safe but all my energy is focused on trying not to cry.
"I’m right here, darling. Its okay to cry." She says as she reaches out and strokes her thumb across my forehead.
I will myself to look up at her. I don’t try to hold back the tears as i bring my chair closer and wrap my arms around her waist, my head buried in her lap.
"I’m sorry…everything is just so loud. I’m losing myself again. I can’t focus."
"Don’t apologize. It’s alright."
"I feel like…an idiot."
"No, you are not an idiot. You are human and i love you."
"How can you love me? I’m so fucked up in the head. I don’t deserve it…i’m not worthy."
"I can handle it. I’m never going to leave you. You deserve love…I love you."
I release a shaky breath into her shirt and tighten my grip around her waist.